I am going through a unique experience for me at the moment. I know my depression is really bad. Not that I am having negative thoughts, I have those all the time, but I feel so lethargic. When I wake in the morning I just don’t want to open my eyes and my body feels very heavy. Fortunate for me I know what it is otherwise I would not know what to do. Historically I would not be capable of doing anything. I would use blind determination to get out of bed but I would not have enough left in my tank to do much else. The days would normally be filled with watching TV or films just to pass the time. If anything, and I mean even the smallest of things, would require a decision or would make me nervous this would lead into acute anxiety very quickly. This in turn would exacerbate the depression and a downward spiral would ensue.
All that has changed with the two key changes I have made to my life. It is still really hard to get started but I pick up my worry beads to do some calming even before I need it. What is does is set me a rhythm, if that makes sense? By moving the wooden pears or stones slowly I find it impossible to have a fast breathing and heart rate. This does not cure my lethargy but my determination does get me into my gym kit. Once I am driving to the gym I know I will have to go in even though it is the last thing I feel capable of doing. I had to smile, very briefly this morning, as it is ridiculous, but going up the stirs to the gym I could barely lift my feet up to each new step. I can do a workout that most 20 year olds would be happy with but because my brain is fighting me I can’t even climb stairs at a normal pace.
I always start with the exercise bike and because I go frequently I know how fast I need to peddle to achieve my calorie burn for the day. It is then that my worry beads usage 30 minutes earlier has its greatest benefit. If you are lethargic and try to do exercise it actually feels twice as hard and there is a tendency to breathe heavy and your heart rate climbs very quickly. What I have been able to do is set my legs working at one pace and close my eyes and set my heart and breathing rates at that of my worry beads pace. Before I know it 30 minutes has passed and I and very hot and sweaty!!
Although I can still feel the lethargy it is reduced so I carry on with my daily workout routine using the same worry bead thoughts. With my workout finished I stand under a hot shower and relax or to describe it exactly I lean against the wall trying to stop myself from falling over. It is then home for a good breakfast and the day has to start. Although I can still feel it there I am writing this blog and drilling wooden pears ready for threading. I am productive and the day can only get better as I achieve something whereas before it would have been nothing.
If you have severe depression why not try my routine. It has completely changed my life through the bad days and on the good days I even feel good.
Kevin
The English Worry Bead Co.
www.englishworrybeads.uk
